5/11/2025
Turn with me to Proverbs 19:13-14. These are our verses to study and memorize.
Proverbs 19:13-14 A foolish son is destruction to his father, And the contentions of a wife are a constant dripping. 14 House and wealth are an inheritance from fathers, But a prudent wife is from the LORD.
Introduction
As we look at God’s wisdom for life’s relationships in this section of Proverbs our text now returns in bookend fashion to the immediate family. Verses 13 and 14 both begin by looking at relationships with fathers, and then conclude by looking at the husband/wife relationship. Verse 13 looks at the negative side of things with the ruin that can come to our families through foolishness, while verse 14 looks at the positive side of things with the way that they ought to be through faith.
Verse 14 nicely matches the beginning verse of this extended section (Proverbs 18:22) with the focus on both a wife and God. To find the “good” that Proverbs 18:22 and 19:8 emphasize we will need to learn from the wisdom that God gives to us in these verses about the family. With today being Mother’s day these verses are very fitting, as we will see both what not to do and what to do in the family.
With that overview of where we are at, let’s take a closer look at Proverbs 19:13-14.
13 A foolish son is destruction to his father, And the contentions of a wife are a constant dripping.
A father is brought to ruin by the foolishness of his child, and a husband is increasingly damaged by the continual complaints of a wife. This proverb emphasizes two very damaging issues to avoid that prevent finding good in our family relationships.
This proverb brings us right back to the garden of Eden and the earliest catastrophes which befell mankind. Cain killed Abel and brought about a great ruin to Adam. One son killed the other. One son was lost in death, and the other son was the very one who brought about that great pain and evil. Even worse than all that, though, in the garden of Eden Adam knowingly gave in to the leading of his deceived wife. He ate the fruit God had forbidden. Admittedly, we do not see indications of continual nagging in that account, but his choice to follow his wife into the strife and contentions of sin brought ruin upon everything. Instead of being the spiritual leader in following God like he should have been, Adam allowed his deceived wife to lead him into following Satan. Through that, sin entered the world and all our relationships have forever been marred.
In contrast with what our relationships are all to often like now with their contentions, think about what God’s original design for husband’s, wives, and families was. According to Genesis 2:24 God’s intent for marriage was for husband’s and wives’ to be one flesh.
Genesis 2:24 For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.
They were to be unified spiritually and physically in their life purpose. Genesis 2:18 clarified this.
Genesis 2:18 Then the LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.”
In marriage God has given us one another for companionship. It is not good to be alone. Man needed a helper that was comparable to him. That is what God gave in giving Adam a wife and in designing marriage. Genesis 1:27-31a expands on God’s design even more.
Genesis 1:27-31a God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. 28 God blessed them; and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth, and subdue it; and rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the sky and over every living thing that moves on the earth.” 29 Then God said, “Behold, I have given you every plant yielding seed that is on the surface of all the earth, and every tree which has fruit yielding seed; it shall be food for you; 30 and to every beast of the earth and to every bird of the sky and to every thing that moves on the earth which has life, I have given every green plant for food”; and it was so. 31 God saw all that He had made, and behold, it was very good.
What then was God’s intent for mankind with marriage? God’s intent for marriage was for them to be one flesh (Genesis 2:24). It was to not be alone and to have a helper just right for him (Genesis 2:18). It was to be fruitful and multiply, to fill the earth, to subdue it, and to rule over everything (Genesis 1:28-31). Together they were to rule this earth in fellowship with God as stewards of His perfectly good creation.
With sin in the garden of Eden mankind abdicated their God given responsibilities and placed themselves under the dominion of Satan. He has temporarily become the ruler and god of this world (John 14:30, 16:11, 2 Corinthians 4:4).
Thus sin corrupted and ruined mankind’s rule over this earth. It destroyed their fellowship with God and each other. Even with God’s redemption through faith in Jesus Christ and its freedom from Satan’s enslavement, the ongoing affects of sin in this world makes all aspects of life a struggle. As part of the curse that our sin has brought upon this world, thorns and thistles make subduing and ruling this creation very hard. Pain in childbirth, our proud, covetous, selfish flesh, and the realities of death make it very hard for mankind to multiply and impose God’s righteous authority over all creation. Men and women have strife and contentions between them. Often they are not one flesh working towards the same goal. Often the wife is not a helper to her husband in pursuing God’s purposes for them. Often the husband does not lead wisely, loving his wife as a God-given helper in serving God.
In light of these realities, our proverb gives us wisdom for the closest of relationships in life: the relationships of one’s family. In this first proverb we have highlighted two of the biggest problems that can destroy families. It removes any rose-tinted glasses or naïve idealism that we might have about marriage and family. On the one hand, we are told that a son who is foolish can cause immense damage. He can bring about the ruin of his father. How?
He can waste what his father inherited or earned through hard work. His foolishness could cost his father money by his destructive behaviors. His foolishness could end his family line with his early death, with his sinful, profligate living, or with a failure to follow God’s design in multiplying. By his foolish sin he could bring disgrace and shame upon the family. By his foolishness He could involve his family in dangerous, life-threatening disputes. By his choosing to continue to foolishly defy God ultimately he will receive God’s eternal judgment in the lake of fire. That would pierce any godly father’s heart with grief and sorrow. There are indeed many ways that a foolish son could bring about ruin to his father and family.
Likewise, a wife who is contentious and working against a husband’s pursuit of wisdom can be an unrelenting, damaging hindrance. She is compared to a leaky roof. In his commentary on this verse Bruce Waltke explains what that looked like back then: “Roofs were made out of layers of wooden boards and sticks arranged crosswise and overlaid with a layer of clay, water, chalk, and chaff. In heavy rains they were prone to leak.” This kind of leak is annoying and needs fixing. It is something which if it continues will cause more and more damage to the roof, and everything under it. It makes life inconvenient and annoying. It pulls one away from all the other important things of life that need to be done. Work, crops, and serving God in other ways may have to be neglected to deal with it. That is what the contentions of a wife leading away from following God are like.1
How can a wife do this? She can wear him down with nagging, until he is unproductive, discouraged, and unmotivated. With her strife she can push him until he gives in to foolish, dangerous, idolatrous, wicked pursuits. With her contentions she can distract him from what is right into what is worthless. With her selfishness she can pursue things which work against his wise and godly pursuits in his work, in the home, in the family, and in the community. She can continually wear him down in his focus on doing what is right and best. She can wastefully use up his time, energy, and resources. She can use up money that ought to be used for other things with her own hobbies, extravagance, or entertainment. Instead of working to build up the family and enable each one to better serve God she tears the family down and gets in the way of serving God.
Thus this proverb highlights the damaging realities that a foolish son and a contentious wife can have on one’s family life relationships. It does not directly give the solution, but it does make one aware of the destructive potential of these kinds of behaviors. To be forewarned is to be forearmed, as the saying goes. Once we know of potential mine-fields we can do everything possible to prevent straying into them.
We of course cannot completely prevent a child from choosing to go in foolish direction with their life, but we can pursue raising them with wisdom. We can point them to the truth. We can live as a godly example before them. We can love them well and raise them in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. We can try to protect them from evil choices and influence while they are under our authority. We can try to raise them to have wisdom to see danger and avoid it themselves.
Likewise, we cannot make our wives be wise and not quarrelsome. We cannot make them fear the Lord and prioritize serving Him with us. We cannot make them build up our marriages and be good helpmeets in serving God. But, we can be careful who we marry. We can choose not to marry based merely on external appearances. We can work hard to know the character and reality of someone’s relationship with God before we marry them. Beyond that there is a lot we can do day by day within our marriages. We can work hard to make sure that we are selflessly leading our families to fulfill God’s purposes for life in glorifying Him. We can have family devotions. We can be godly examples. We can avoid being hypocrites, and leading our wives and families into sinful music, movies, entertainment, and behaviors. We can encourage our wives in using and developing their spiritual gifts. We can try to involve them in serving God together. We can try to help them nurture their relationship with God.
While these things do not guarantee that our children do not decide to pursue foolishness, and while these things do not guarantee that our wives will not become selfish and cause contention, they will greatly reduce that likelihood. Our godly example and leadership—as much as is possible as it depends upon us—will help produce good in all our relationships.
Scriptural Example: In Scripture we see quite a number of sad examples of this proverb. Cain killing Abel brought great pain and ruin to Adam and Eve as we have already mentioned. Likewise, at the end of the time of the judges the priest Eli’s son’s, Hophni and Phinehas, brought great ruin and shame upon him. They profaned the temple service, were immoral, and ignored Eli’s words. Then they lost the Ark of the Covenant to the Philistines in battle when God publicly judged them and Israel. Through all that—and his own negligence in dealing with them—they brought death upon them all and lost his family line the high priesthood.
Similarly, all of Solomon’s hard work in building his large, opulent, and peaceful kingdom was undone by the foolishness of his son Rehoboam when he followed the foolish advice of his peers. Right at the beginning of his reign he lost most of his kingdom when the northern tribes rebelled at his harshness.
When we turn to marriage and contention there we see an example in the life of the patriarch Jacob’s family. Rachel became jealous of her sister Leah after she had four sons and Rachel had none. Her complaints to Jacob reached the point where she told him, “give me children, or else I die.” (Genesis 30:1). He was angry, and asked her if he was in the place of God, who had withheld children from her (Genesis 30:2). Much strife was brought to their family through Jacob’s wives contentions. Side note: polygamy was not God’s design. These interactions highlight the strife which usually results from it!
Likewise, the downfall of Samson the judge came about through his consort Delilah’s nagging about his source of strength (Judges 16). There were quite a number of problematic issues in this relationship, as Samson had no business co-habiting with her outside of marriage to begin with. But to compound that she manipulated and nagged him until she found a way to undermine him and use him for her own financial gain. A wife or partner who is trying to use you to get power, pleasure, or money is going to bring great ruin and pain upon you and your family.
We also see this kind of strife in David’s wife Michal. Her contentions against David’s worship ruined their relationship. It led to him staying away from her and them not having any children together (2 Samuel 6:16-23).
Sadly, the realities of this proverb were present in Solomon himself. 1 Kings 11 details how his foreign wives led him into idolatry. We do not know what kind of nagging, coaxing, or manipulations they used. It might even be that it was simply that their sinful ways rubbed off on him over time until he gave in to following their practices and building them places of heathen worship. Regardless, their constant dripping somehow eroded away his focus and pursuit from following God until it was corrupted.
Proverb in Comparison: When we compare this proverb with the rest of Scripture we see Solomon giving an account of the dangerous realties that he experienced with his wives.
Ecclesiastes 7:25-29 I directed my mind to know, to investigate and to seek wisdom and an explanation, and to know the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness. 26 And I discovered more bitter than death the woman whose heart is snares and nets, whose hands are chains. One who is pleasing to God will escape from her, but the sinner will be captured by her. 27 “Behold, I have discovered this,” says the Preacher, “adding one thing to another to find an explanation, 28 which I am still seeking but have not found. I have found one man among a thousand, but I have not found a woman among all these. 29 “Behold, I have found only this, that God made men upright, but they have sought out many devices.”
Just imagine how much more God might have accomplished through Solomon had he listened to his own warnings in this proverb and others that he gave! What would have happened if he had settled on one godly women who actually was a fitting companion, a helpmeet who worked together with him lifelong in serving God? Instead of that, all the women he chose and found were women who wanted to take advantage of him. His final conclusion was that he could not find even one prudent woman in a thousand. As that passage in Ecclesiastes seems to indicate he found a life more bitter than death through women whose hearts were snares, and whose hands were chains that captured him.
Truth in Connection: As we apply this proverb to our lives it is exceedingly evident that we live in a broken world where families and spouses are often not the good that God designed them to be.
The problem is sin. It ruins our relationships and takes away the good from them that they should have. The problem is that we cannot fix that problem ourselves. We need God’s wisdom. We need God’s salvation. We need God’s redemption. We need God’s enablement. We need to be born again. We need to have the power of sin over us broken. We need to be freed from our slavery to it. We need to be raised from the dead spiritually and restored to a living relationship with God. Our spouses need all this. Our children need all this. That is what Jesus Christ alone can do.
We cannot earn it. We do not deserve it. We are the ones who have been ruining God’s good creation. Yet, in God’s mercy and love He has provided to us the one and only way of salvation by faith in what Jesus did on our behalf in taking our sin and punishment upon Himself. When we turn from trusting in our sin to trusting in Jesus He takes away our sin and gives us His righteousness. He makes us a new creation so that in Him we may day by day walk in righteousness and holiness. Through dependence on Him we can turn from our foolishness and walk by His wisdom. We can turn from our strife and contention and live as one flesh with our spouses. Through Him we can lead our families towards godliness and fulfilling God’s true purposes for our lives. Are you trusting in Jesus as your Lord and Savior? If not, turn to Him before it is too late for your life, for your family, and for your eternity.
If you have trusted in Him, beware of the pitfalls that foolish sons and contentious wives can bring. As husbands and fathers we are to intentionally lead our wives and children towards God. We must continually depend on God and His wisdom within our families.
As sons and daughters, beware of the pitfalls of marrying someone who is selfish and contentious. Take the time to truly know a person before you marry them. Get to know what truly motivates them. If it is not living for God then do not marry them—not matter how fun they might be, how pretty they are, how rich they are, or how they make you feel when they hold your hand. Do not marry someone who is foolishly ignoring God, defying God, or habitually making an idol out of anything in their lives. It will only result in strife or contention if you marry them and then try to follow God first in your own life. Be a wise son or daughter yourself, not a foolish one. Work to honor your parents. Seek first God’s purposes and design for your life, for your marriage, for your family, for your work, and for your daily ministry and service to God.
If you are a wife, see God’s design for marriage and do all that you are able in pursuing God yourself. Help your husband follow God. Do not pull him away from doing so. Raise your sons and daughters in the nurture and admonition of God. Be that one woman in greater than a thousand who lives in the fear of the Lord, and whose children will rise up and call her blessed. Be the wife that your husband safely trusts, that he wants to praise as the most excellent of women as Proverbs 31 talks about.
If all we had was this one proverb, we might end up pretty discouraged with these dangerous pitfalls to avoid. If we only looked around us and saw all the broken marriages and families, or if we only saw all the marriages that were characterized by strife, or if we let our focus remain on all the foolish children who bring pain and destruction we might give up and view marriage and family as hopeless endeavors. Indeed, many in our society have. They have given up on God’s perfect plan for marriage and family. So they simply live selfishly to get the most out of their relationships that they can. With that they try alternatives to God’s good plan like co-habitation, adultery, divorce, serial monogamy, pornography, manipulation, nagging, abuse, homosexuality, transgenderism, etc. None of those have the power to overcome our sinful selfishness. None of those can deal with the problem within our hearts which ruin our relationships, families, societies, and world. None of these can truly produce good.
Thanks be to God the next verse gives us some additional hope and guidance. God truly has a better way. Look at Proverbs 19:14.
14 House and wealth are an inheritance from fathers, But a prudent wife is from the LORD.
Money and property can be inherited, but the Lord is the One who can give a wise wife. This proverb emphasizes that the source of the greatest good in one’s closest relationship is God Himself.
While there is much that we can do to promote godliness and good within our family lives, as we have just seen, ultimately, we are dependant on God for His perfect will and gifts. We need to seek Him for those gifts, and not seek to manufacture or manipulate for ourselves what only He can provide.
Unlike our last proverb, this one focuses on the positive side of the relationships between children and parents and between spouses. Within the law God carefully designed the inheritance of property so that each generation of family would inherit from the previous generation and have opportunity to enjoy God’s good blessing. Sons would inherit from their parents, with the firstborn usually getting a double-share. Everything that a father had invested in and built up on his property with houses, fields, barns, vineyards, etc. would end up being passed along to his sons to benefit and help them. Even if a family became impoverished and had to sell their land it was a temporary thing. At the 50 year jubilee celebration decreed in Leviticus 25 the property would go back to the original family. Truly, a house and all the wealth that a family had accumulated would be an inheritance from one’s father. This could generally be relied upon and expected to come from one’s parents. What a blessing that would be in establishing one’s own family and career. Therefore, in a very tangible way whatever time and work one invested into the family “enterprises” would come back to help and bless both oneself and the whole family. God designed the family inheritance in this way. This is how things were supposed to work in a mutually beneficial way to all involved.
But finding a wife is a different sort of thing altogether. It is not simply a get-out-of-it what you put-into-it situation. Not all wives are the same, and it is not just a matter of wanting a good one. It is not a matter of earning enough money. Nor is it that a father can necessarily just go out and find you a good one like with an inheritance. Despite how the dowry system may have worked in the past or however things may currently be done, neither family connections, nor external beauty, nor physical skills necessarily make someone a prudent wife.
We might be able to go to our parents for money and physical help, but the one that we need to go to for a godly wife or husband is the only one who can truly give us one. Parents may be able to give us guidance and point us to God’s wisdom, but it is to God that we must go and depend on for a wise spouse. Solomon’s situation should be a warning to us! Finding the right godly person to marry can be a hard endeavor. Finding one without God’s guidance, favor, and help is pretty much impossible because our sin natures deceive us about what is good and blind us to reality.
Proverb in Comparison: When we compare this proverb with the rest of Scripture we see that James 1:14-17 spells out the situation and ends by highlighting that every good gift ultimately comes from God.
James 1:14-17 But each one is tempted when he is carried away and enticed by his own lust. 15 Then when lust has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and when sin is accomplished, it brings forth death. 16 Do not be deceived, my beloved brethren. 17 Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shifting shadow.
Whether it is a godly wife or the enjoyment of any other good thing, it does not come from our giving in to temptations and pursuing our lusts. Our lusts only produce sin and death. We must recognize the source of all good things and go to God for them. This is most especially true when it comes to a wife.
What then is the solution? How do we go to God for good? Proverbs 3:3-18 and 4:3-9 describe it.
Proverbs 3:3-18 Do not let kindness and truth leave you; Bind them around your neck, Write them on the tablet of your heart. 4 So you will find favor and good repute In the sight of God and man. 5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart And do not lean on your own understanding. 6 In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He will make your paths straight. 7 Do not be wise in your own eyes; Fear the LORD and turn away from evil. 8 It will be healing to your body And refreshment to your bones. 9 Honor the LORD from your wealth And from the first of all your produce; 10 So your barns will be filled with plenty And your vats will overflow with new wine. 11 My son, do not reject the discipline of the LORD Or loathe His reproof, 12 For whom the LORD loves He reproves, Even as a father corrects the son in whom he delights. 13 How blessed is the man who finds wisdom And the man who gains understanding. 14 For her profit is better than the profit of silver And her gain better than fine gold.
15 She is more precious than jewels; And nothing you desire compares with her. 16 Long life is in her right hand; In her left hand are riches and honor. 17 Her ways are pleasant ways And all her paths are peace. 18 She is a tree of life to those who take hold of her, And happy are all who hold her fast.
Do you see that? That’s marriage language! In our hearts we need to marry and take hold of wisdom. Proverbs 4:4-9 puts it even more vividly.
Proverbs 4:3-9 When I was a son to my father, Tender and the only son in the sight of my mother, 4 Then he taught me and said to me, “Let your heart hold fast my words; Keep my commandments and live; 5 Acquire wisdom! Acquire understanding! Do not forget nor turn away from the words of my mouth. 6 “Do not forsake her, and she will guard you; Love her, and she will watch over you. 7 “The beginning of wisdom is: Acquire wisdom; And with all your acquiring, get understanding. 8 “Prize her, and she will exalt you; She will honor you if you embrace her. 9 “She will place on your head a garland of grace; She will present you with a crown of beauty.”
Commit your life to God and to His wisdom in everything as if you were married to it. Then let His wisdom guide you into marriage if He has that for you. Have lady wisdom guide you to the right person for you. The more you get wisdom and are committed to her, the more you will look at any prospective spouse through the lens that wisdom gives you. If you have married wisdom in your heart, you will not want to marry anyone else than someone else who has done the same thing and is pursuing God’s wisdom as well. Your prospective spouse’s character traits and pursuits will match that of lady wisdom. Where she does not fully match, she will be pursuing it.
Make no mistake with this. As we are holding onto and pursuing God’s wisdom ourselves it will enable us to have the wisdom to see and accept God’s good gifts while turning away from the dangerous deceptions that would entrap and ruin us. As Proverbs 31:30 says,
Proverbs 31:30 Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.
[For additional Scriptures on marriage and relationships in God’s Word, see the rest of Proverbs 31, 1 Corinthians 6:13-7:40, 2 Corinthians 6:11-18, Ephesians 5:22-6:4, Colossians 3:16-21, 1 Peter 3:1-7, 1 Timothy 3:2, Titus 2:3-5, Song of Solomon, and Deuteronomy 6.]
Scriptural Example: When we look to Scripture for an example of this proverb, the story of Isaac and Rebekah immediately stands out. As Abraham’s son, Isaac would receive a complete physical inheritance from him. Everything that he needed financially he had awaiting him. But there was one thing his father could not provide for him. He did not have a wife for him. Abraham did not want Isaac to marry one of the pagan Canaanites. Apparently there was also no one suitable in Abraham’s extensive household. What Isaac needed was for God to provide him the right wife. Abraham realized this. So he sent out his chief household steward back to Mesopotamia to try to find a godly wife. Genesis 24 records the beautiful account of how the servant sought God to find the right woman for Isaac. He prayed very specific prayers and God answered him immediately with a hard-working woman of character who out of hospitality brought water from the well to him and his ten camels. Not only was that an amazing answer to prayer, but God also enabled it that Rebekah’s family somehow ended up being willing to let her go back with the servant and marry Isaac! God indeed provided the right wife for Isaac.
Boaz and Ruth provide another such example. Sometimes when I have read the story of Boaz and Ruth I have wondered how Boaz got to be so old and wealthy without a wife. He apparently was quite well to do to have all the servants that he did and to be able to redeem Noami’s property after her return—despite the famine that had overtaken the land for a time. He had an inheritance and wealth, but a prudent wife did not come until God brought him Ruth.
Truth in Connection: As we apply this proverb to our lives, it is encouraging to understand that while sin has ruined so many families and marriages God has not left us without His perfect good gifts and wisdom. If we turn from our sin and trust in Jesus for His redeemed life we will have God’s perfect goodness for our lives. Yes, it will come with the persecution, trials, and hardships of this sin-cursed world. But it also comes with God’s overcoming power to make us righteous and to enable us to live within His goodness and blessing through those trials and hardships. We will have God as our heavenly Father. We will be able to go to Him for wisdom on everything from a spouse, to how to raise our children, to our very purpose each and every day while we are here on this earth. Have you trusted in Jesus as your Lord and Savior? If not. Trust Him today!
If you have, then let’s commit ourselves afresh each and every day to living by His wisdom like we were married to it. Wake up with wisdom. Listen to wisdom. Talk to wisdom. Seek wisdom. Serve wisdom. Be helped by wisdom. Do everything with wisdom. It will then guide us in every relationship—even in our closest relationships with our family and spouse. As we live by God’s wisdom it will bring God’s good to those relationships—even in the hard realities that we have to work through.
Conclusion
If you have any questions on any of this or want help in coming to know Jesus as your Lord and Savior please come talk with us. We are available. Let’s pray.
© 2025, Kevin A. Dodge, All rights reserved.
Unless otherwise noted, Scripture quotations taken from the New American Standard Bible® (NASB),Copyright © 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. www.Lockman.org
1 Waltke, Proverbs 15-31, 107.
English (US) · 