1/19/2025
Turn with me to Proverbs 18:23-24. These are our verses to study and memorize this week.
Proverbs 18:23-24 The poor man utters supplications, But the rich man answers roughly. 24 A man of too many friends comes to ruin, But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.
Introduction
This section of Proverbs which we are now in goes from Proverbs 18:22-19:24. It deals with wisdom for life’s relationships. The first verse began this section by looking at the closest relationship one can have—a wife from God. Proverbs 18:23-19:8 then moves from looking at marriage to looking at true friendship (in light of the deceptions of money). Proverbs 19:9-14 expands the look at relationships beyond friends to the broader relationships in society before returning to the family and marriage in the last couple verses. A chiasm in verses 15-24 caps things off for us with some additional wisdom for our relationships.
Overall we are seeing that to “find good” in our relationships, as 18:22 and 19:8 talk about, we need to hold onto God’s wisdom by obedience to it, as 19:8 and 19:16 emphasize. All of this underlines our need to listen to the wisdom of God that we are seeing here in these verses.
With that reminder of where we are at in our current section of Proverbs, let’s take a closer look at Proverbs 18:23-24 and begin studying true friendship and true wealth.
23 The poor man utters supplications, But the rich man answers roughly.
The needy plead for help, but the rich roughly reply. This proverb gives wisdom on how money often affects relationships and the ways that people speak.
Our last major section here in Proverbs, encompassing almost all of chapter 18, dealt with dangerous and righteous use of the tongue. As we move into focusing primarily on relationships, our first regular proverb after the introductory one, helps make that transition by also having an emphasis on the way that people speak. The poor ask for help, and the rich angrily, insolently, or dismissively respond. In people’s relationships this is often how things end up working in the real world. Most of us have probably been on one or both sides of this proverb at different points in our lives.
Yet, this proverb is more than just an observation of reality. The purpose of proverbs is to give us wisdom for living. Because of that we need to look at the context of our section of verses and see what we are to learn from it. In the context we are learning wisdom for living with people. We will be seeing contrasts between the poor and wealthy, as well as between true riches and false riches. We will also be seeing the contrast between true friends and false friends. Given all that, we need to see what is being highlighted by these contrasting behaviors in our proverb.
For the poor person there is often the need to ask for help. They do not automatically have the means to handle a problem when it arises. So they have to go to others for rescue. Naturally, they will go to other people who have the means to help them.
For the rich person, there is the reality that they are often asked for help. Other people are always coming to them asking them for things or money.
In each of these cases people have the choice before them on whether they will respond to their situations in wisdom or not. If people are not careful both of these situations can develop into sinful and problematic behaviors in their relationships with others. The poor can get into bad habits of always asking for help even when they could find their own solutions, work to resolve the issue, or change the way they live so that these kinds of issues do not keep coming up. They can also get into bad mindsets of coveting what others have, of expecting a handout, or of always looking for others to give them the help they want.
On the other hand, the rich can get into bad habits of assuming the worst about people and situations, of begrudging to help others, of being stingy, of loving money more than people, and of responding roughly and evilly to requests for help.
Do not misunderstand the implications of this proverb. It is not saying that the poor always are asking with bad motivations or deceptively. Matter of fact, their motivations are not directly mentioned. This also is not saying that the rich always respond dismissively and wrongly. Yet, the frank reality is that issues of money do affect people’s relationships with one another and their words toward each other in these characteristic ways. Money has a way of coloring the way people treat each other. The poor sometimes look at richer people with an eye to seeing what they can get out of the relationship. While the rich sometimes look down at people and assume that others are just trying to get something out of them.
If we want to have good relationships and be a good friends then we must not let either way of looking at situations become our way of looking at people. People are not there to be exploited. Nor are the genuine needs of people to be dismissed with harsh treatment. We ought to truly care for one another.
Scriptural Example: In Scripture we see an example of this proverb with David’s harsh treatment by Nabal when he asked for a gift after having watched over Nabal’s shepherds during their time in the wilderness. David and his men were fugitives from king Saul and such assistance would have been very helpful. Instead, Nabal insulted David and his men (1 Samuel 25). That was not the way Nabal ought to have treated David. It ruined any relationship they might have been able to have and led to his demise.
We see another example of this proverb in 1 Kings 12. Solomon’s son Rehoboam, when he was becoming king, was asked by the people to lighten the heavy taxation that Solomon had imposed. Upon some very bad advice from his peers Rehoboam ended up answering them quite harshly. He said that instead of lightening the load he was going to sharply increase it. By his over-confidence in his wealth and position he answered very insolently and roughly. He looked down on the people and treated them as if they existed for his benefit. That did not work out well for him in his relationship with the northern tribes of Israel. They revolted and started their own kingdom with their own king.
We also see these realities in the parable of the prodigal son when the younger son came home destitute asking his father’s forgiveness (Luke 15:11-32). His father forgave him, spoke kindly to him, helped him, and had the joy of a restored relationship. The older brother had the opposite response and result. He had nothing but harsh words about his brother. He would not even go see him. His behavior got in the way of any possibility of a relationship with his brother and ruined his relationship to his father.
Proverb in Comparison: When we compare this with the rest of Scripture, it is important to point out in regard to our proverb that it is not saying it is wrong to ask for help. Matter of fact from the rest of Scripture we know that God wants us to ask Him for help. He tells us to cast our burdens on Him because He cares for us (1 Peter 5:7). He tells us to ask Him for wisdom if we lack it (James 1:5-8). He tells us to let our requests be made known to Him with all thanksgiving so that we would not be anxious (Philippians 4:6).
Similarly, it is often quite good and necessary for us to ask for help from people. For instance, God designed parents to help their children when they are young, and for children to honor and help their parents as they grow older. Likewise, God instituted government to help when injustice has occurred (Romans 13:1-7). It is also good and right for the family, for friends, and for the church to help one another and others. God knows we need one another. This is a big part of why God has given us spiritual gifts in the church. We are to help meet each others needs as we together grow in following Jesus. We are to help bear one another’s burdens as Galatians 6:2 commands. It is exactly as Jesus said in the sermon on the mount in Matthew 5:7, “Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy.” God expects His people to have compassion and help others.
The problem comes when we ask with evil motives, when we try to take advantage of other people, or when we try to avoid our own responsibilities. In those cases the plea for help is really to have our own sinful desires fulfilled, not for the real, most important needs to be met. Thus it is really only the misuse of asking for help that is a problem.
On the other hand, in regard to our proverb, it is always wrong to respond back to people’s requests for help in a proud, insolent, demeaning, angry, dismissive, or disrespectful way. So while the poor person definitely has some areas to be careful of in their requests for help, it is actually the rich who bear the strong weight of condemnation and correction from this proverb.
As we have been seeing in a number of our previous proverbs here in chapter 18 on the tongue it is simply not okay to respond to people with wicked words or in a wicked way. Money does not give one the right to treat people as of less value than oneself, to exalt oneself over others, to despise them, or to treat them as something other than fellow people who were made in the image of God. If we do treat them evilly, we will destroy our relationship with people, and make ourselves accountable to God’s judgment for that mistreatment. We will become like the evil servant in Jesus’ parable in Matthew 18:21-35. He was forgiven of a great sum of money he could not repay the king. But then he turned around and jailed another servant who owed him a relatively little bit of money and needed some time to be able to repay.
As that parable highlighted at its end, God will not deal lightly with those mistreating the poor when they themselves actually owe Him everything. The truth is, none of us are rich before God. With our sin against Him we are all destitute debtors who owe Him more than we could ever repay in an eternity of servitude. Because of that we have no right to exalt ourselves over others and abuse them. Yet, that is often what the rich do to those who ask them for help.
Why would people do this? Why would someone kick someone else when they were down? Why would they be mean and harsh to someone in need? This proverb gives us some insight with the word it uses for answering “roughly.” It is just a different form of the word used for a “strong” tower in verse 10, and a “strong” city in verses 11 and 19. In all those cases the city or tower is either a strong protection or considered to be one. The uses in verses 11 and 19 are particularly relevant here. Verse 11 is also talking about a rich man, and it is precisely those riches which he considers to be his protection and fortress. As Waltke points out in his commentary, since the rich man considers his wealth to be his protection, he is not going to part with it to help others.1 He will answer forcefully to protect what he considers to be his protection. He will guard his idol and rebuke anyone attempting to diminish it or take it from him.
Verse 19 similarly pictures an offended brother as harder to be won than a “strong” city. He is not willing to give up on his grudges and anger. He hardens his heart against entreaties and apologies. He resists the efforts at reconciliation. Why? He too has made an idol, but for him it is his pride, anger, or bitterness. He answers roughly and pushes people away because he has allowed those things to become his fortress. He needs it because he has come to value it as more important than anything else, including his relationships. He sees it as his protection, his safety, and even a part of his identity.
Anyone seeking to take that idol of wealth, pride, or anger away from someone is going to be treated harshly, or as a threat. All of that prevents and destroys relationships.
Truth in Connection: Therefore, if we would desire to find good in our relationships as this section of Proverbs would guide us to have, we need to be aware of these issues and walk in God’s wisdom towards money and people. If we do not, it will ruin our relationships. It will wrongly influence our words to each other. Yes, people all too often do try to take advantage of those who have skills and resources by asking them for help. But the poor do also have real needs. Therefore, if we are a true friend, we will first not take advantage of others by covetous requests for assistance when we can and should be doing something ourselves. Secondly, if we are a true friend, we will be compassionate. We will not treat people harshly. We will not harden our hearts to the needs of others. We will help with real needs as we are able. We will remember God’s help to us in our own helplessness with our sin and its consequences of death and judgment that we could not deal with. We will remember God’s daily help to us in meeting our many needs. We will not make idols of our possessions, but will instead do what is truly best and needful for others.
When we truly understand and believe the gospel of Jesus Christ it impacts our lives with the way that we think, the way that we speak, and the things that we do. It will make us good friends to one another even when money and needs affect things.
How does it do this? When we truly see the utter hopelessness of our lives personally because of our sin against God, our inability to remove our sin, our inability to get ourselves out from under God’s just judgment, and our inability to reconcile ourselves to God it humbles us. We realize to the core of our being that we deserve eternity in the lake of fire for our treasonous treatment and defiance of God, our creator, and that we can do nothing to change that.
Then, when we see and truly trust in God’s amazing undeserved love to us through Jesus’ death, burial, and resurrection—while we were yet God’s enemies—it transforms our hearts and lives through the power of the Holy Spirit. We are forgiven and brought back from the dead spiritually. We are restored to a relationship with God.
We go from being the poorest of the poor asking God for forgiveness, mercy, and His grace, to being adopted in Jesus as the very children of God. When we truly repent God does not answer us roughly, but in Jesus welcomes us, cleanses us from all unrighteousness, and gives us all that we need for our new life in Him. Having been cleansed of so great a debt, and forgiven of our evil sins against God we have no right to speak harshly to others. We have no right to look down on anyone. We have no right to abuse other people. Instead, we have the greatest example of how to love and help other people. We have the privilege of sharing with them the reality of people’s sinful situations and God’s amazing love which has transformed our lives. No, we cannot fix many of these problems ourselves. But we can lead people to Jesus and we can and ought to begin loving others with the same kind of love that Jesus has loved us with. If we have been loved by Jesus’ undeserving love that led Him to the cross on our behalf, then there is no room to respond wickedly to the pleas of help from other people.
If you find anger in your heart against the pleas for help of other people, and if you find yourself in your heart or words responding harshly to them, then you yourself need to realize or remember your hopeless needy situation before God and humble yourself before Him. Trust Him as your Lord and Savior. Turn from trusting in whatever you have been holding onto as your security and hope. It cannot save you from your sins or keep you from death and God’s eternal judgment. Only Jesus can do that. He alone lived perfectly and can take the eternal punishment for your sins upon Himself. As a man He could be our perfect substitute, and as God in the flesh He could pay it all in full for all those who believe in Him. Trust in Him today. Recognize your need and God’s great love in Jesus. Surrender to Him to transform your heart and mind.
Likewise, if turning to people or money for help in your time of need has become your idol, then give that up and turn to Jesus as well. In Him alone can our true, eternal need for forgiveness of sin be met. In Him alone is their true help, strength, and comfort in life’s trials. People can only temporary help.
If as a Christian you have been forgetting how great your need for God was and is, and how great God’s undeserved love for you has been and is, and begun to look down on others or hold onto money and things as your source of security then turn from your pride and self-sufficiency. Turn from the idol that has crept into your heart. Remember Jesus’ compassion on you, let Him soften your heart. Show true love to others. May we not answer people roughly in their times of need, but may we show God’s love to them in Jesus Christ through the gospel and in the opportunities that we have to do good to them.
Our next proverb adds to this and gets to the heart of what being a true friend is really like.
24 A man of too many friends comes to ruin, But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.
Fake friends lead to ruin, while good ones are more loyal than a brother. This proverb emphasizes the wisdom of having and being a true friend.
The first part of this proverb is a warning about the kinds of friends that we can make and have, while the second part gives us the goal we ought to pursue in the kind of friend that we have and are to be to others.
In the warning we see the danger of having fake friends. These are people who are not really there to help you. They do not really have your best interest in mind. They do not really love you and are not loyal. Instead, they are just there for the fun and for what they get out of the situation. Ultimately they are there for themselves. These are the kinds of friends that the prodigal son had in Jesus’ parable in Luke 15 when he went off to the far country to spend his inheritance. They were their for the good times, but disappeared when the hard times came.
When our pursuit in life is fun and entertainment we will rack up a lot of friends and acquaintances. People generally like to be around the person who is the life of the party. But there are very dangerous problems with this. These are superficial friends, not true ones.
If you live to get friends and have fun, you will end up living for what they want and becoming a slave to them and your pursuit of pleasure. What you do to get and impress friends will lead to your destruction and ruin. You will do what you do and base your morals on your friends. Getting likes on social media and approval from other people will end up motivating you. Their validation will be what you base your worth on. Peer pressure and doing things based on what other people think can be a powerful trap that leads you into doing things that you would never have thought you would do. In the moment common sense and wisdom will be disregarded. Foolish and dangerous behaviors will be carried out and the consequences will come.
The word for coming “to ruin” here is an interesting one that has to do with something being smashed, shattered, beaten up, broken, or ruined. In this specific verb form it has a reflexive aspect to it.2 So we get the idea that these kinds of superficial friendships bring ruin on themselves. They smash each other up. They ruin each other. They bring one another to destruction by their own behaviors. That is what having the wrong kind of companions results in. Superficial friends feed off of each other and encourage foolish, sinful, and dangerous behaviors. They do not really care about each other. That is not the kinds of relationships that we should have or pursue. These kinds of friends are ones that we need to work hard to avoid if we would be wise and want to follow God’s design for our relationships.
Instead, we should pursue the kind of relationship that the second half of the verse talks about. We should build relationships that are based on true love, true loyalty, and true friendship which cares for one another and helps one another as much as or even more than one’s own family does.
The word for “friend” in the second part of the verse is actually the word for love. In its base participle form it would mean the one who loves—which is what a true friend does. The word for “sticks” is the same word that Genesis 2:24 uses of the husband and wife clinging to one another in Genesis 2:24 and that Ruth 1:14 uses of Ruth sticking by Naomi. It’s used a number of times in battle situations where the winning army chases after the enemy relentlessly until they overtake them. It is also used in Deuteronomy (Deut 10:20, 11:22, 13:5, 30:20) and Joshua (Josh 22:5, 23:8) in commands to the people to love and cling to the Lord steadfastly. So this is saying that there is one who loves more steadfastly than a brother. You cannot get away from them and their love.
That is the kind of friend we ought to have and to be. This is someone like Ruth who stayed by Naomi no matter what happened. She was determined to provide for her and not leave her to die alone. This is a loyalty that is through thick and thin, riches and poverty, success and failure. This is like the kind of loving loyalty that a husband and wife should have towards each other. This is the kind of loving loyalty that God’s people should have towards Him. This is the kind of doing what is best for others that is talked about by Jesus in the greatest commandments where we are told to love our neighbor as ourselves.
This kind of friendship is in stark contrast with those superficial, pretend friendships where people are really just looking out for themselves and have only thrown in with you because you currently are going in the same direction as them. As long as you scratch their back and bring them what they want they hang around. This is something entirely different. It is what God intended our relationships with one another to be. It is what we all want in a friend. It is a relationship built on truth and righteousness. It is built on helping one another serve and honor God. It is built on loyalty, love, and doing what is truly good and best for one another. This is the kind of person who tells you what you need to hear, not just what you want to hear. This is the person who knows you with your flaws and failures and does not abandon you. They do not run away. Instead, they help you get up and push you towards what is right and best. They are in it for the long haul with you. Naomi had a lot of flaws, but Ruth stuck to her in loyal love.
Scriptural Example: In Scripture we see examples of both of these kinds of friends. We have already mentioned the superficial friends of the prodigal son during his wasteful days in Jesus’ parable. They led each other to ruin and then abandoned him when his poverty came. Another notable negative example that quickly resulted in ruin is found in 1 Kings 13.
During the days of King Jeroboam of Israel a prophet came to Bethel and prophesied against his idolatrous golden calves. The prophet was told by God not to eat or drink with anyone and to return to Judah by a different way than he had come. On his return journey an old prophet sought him out, and pretended to have a new word from God that he was to return with him and eat and drink with him. He went along with his supposed new friend, ate with him, and then on his return journey to Judah a lion killed him. He should have been more wary of supposed friends with their supposed word from God which contradicted what God had directly told him. True friends will never lead us away from the truth and the wisdom of God’s Word. They will instead support us in doing what is right even when it is hard. If you have a friend who encourages you to do something wrong then they are not your friend at all. They will only lead you to ruin.
On the positive side, we already highlighted Ruth clinging to Naomi. She was a true friend to her through all kinds of adversity. Similarly, David had a true friend in Jonathan, Saul’s son. He protected David as much as he could from his own father’s unjust wrath. He put his life on the line for David. He warned him of dangers, and gave him the weapons and help that he could. He did all that to protect the one who would get the throne of Israel in his own place. As Saul’s son he naturally would have been king next. But his friendship with David and his trust in God’s will was more important to him than a kingdom. That is true friendship! Doing what is best for someone else even at one’s own expense.
Proverb in Comparison: When we compare this proverb with the rest of Scripture we see that Jesus is the perfect example of this kind of friendship and love. Listen to Jesus’ love for those who are His in John 13:1.
John 13:1 Now before the Feast of the Passover, Jesus knowing that His hour had come that He would depart out of this world to the Father, having loved His own who were in the world, He loved them to the end.
Even in the midst of going to the cross to die He loved His own until the very end. He took time in the upper room to give them last warnings, encouragements, and teaching. He prepared them and us for His absence. In the midst of that teaching he explained to them the extent of true love in John 15:12-13.
John 15:12 “This is My commandment, that you love one another, just as I have loved you. 13 “Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends.
Then, after having taught them what true love and friendship was. He lived it out. Or rather, He died to show it. He died on the cross to pay the penalty for our sin. He died on the cross to bear the righteous judgment of God for our sin in our place. He gave us His righteousness and took our sin so that we could be reconciled to God. Romans 5:7-10 explains this further:
Romans 5:7-10 For one will hardly die for a righteous man; though perhaps for the good man someone would dare even to die. 8 But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. 9 Much more then, having now been justified by His blood, we shall be saved from the wrath of God through Him. 10 For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God through the death of His Son, much more, having been reconciled, we shall be saved by His life.
For those who have trusted in Jesus as their Lord and Savior this is the perfect example of true friendship and love that we have been given. Not only do we have this example, though, we have its proved reality affecting us every day. We are forgiven because of Jesus’ true loving friendship. We also have His ongoing friendship and love to continually help us. He sent His Holy Spirit to help us live in this new life that He has given to us. With His enablement we are commanded to in turn love one another with this kind of love. As adopted children of God whose sins have been forgiven, whose lives have been born again and made into a new creation in Jesus, who have been given the Holy Spirit and the Word of God we are to have His true form of friendship be what we live out in relation to one another.
Truth in Connection: As we connect this proverb to our lives we see that in Jesus this kind of friendship where one loves more steadfastly than a brother is not a fairy tale or unattainable hope. Jesus has loved us this way, is loving us this way, and is enabling us to love each other this way. The question before us each and every day, is will we love like Jesus did and be a true friend to those around us? Will we stick close to them when it is hard and be willing to sacrifice and do what is truly best for them? Will we only love and help those that we like? Will we be a superficial friend who is really only there in relationships for what we can get out of them? Or will we even love and do what is best for our enemies like Jesus did? God has not left us in this world to build our own kingdoms. He has left us here to be ambassadors for Him. That will mean learning to love and serve others like He has loved and served us.
If you have never come to that point in your life where you saw the reality of what Jesus did on the cross for you personally and turned from your idols to trust in Him alone for forgiveness, rescue, and new life, then that is what you must do. If you do not, you will not be able to truly love like this. You will still be blinded and controlled by your sin. Only in Jesus is their true freedom, forgiveness, righteousness, and new life. Trust in Him today as the one and only perfectly true friend who can save you. Then begin following Him as His disciple in His new kind of life with true friendship and love.
Conclusion
If you have any questions on any of this or want help in coming to know Jesus as your Lord and Savior please come talk with us. We are available. Let’s pray.
© 2025, Kevin A. Dodge, All rights reserved.
Unless otherwise noted, Scripture quotations taken from the New American Standard Bible® (NASB),Copyright © 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. www.Lockman.org
English (US) · 