More Than Classmates: Why You Need Friends in Seminary

Some of my most spiritually rich and formative years were spent in seminary.

From 2011 to 2014, I had the privilege of studying at Trinity Evangelical Divinity School. I was equipped for ministry in the classroom, gained practical experience as a member of a wonderful local church, and enjoyed the blessings of deep community life in both settings.

One of the unexpected gifts of those years—and one for which I remain deeply thankful to God—was a few good friends. From Super Bowl parties to fervent prayer gatherings, from March Madness excitement to memorizing Hebrew vocabulary, from tears of joy to tears of sorrow, our shared experiences profoundly shaped me.

In this article, I want to encourage those currently in seminary, or preparing to begin, not to overlook the value of cultivating a few close friendships. To that end, I will explore the why, what, and how of friendships in seminary.¹

Why pursue friendships in seminary

“Seminary is dangerous.”² I was taken aback the first time I read those words. Seminary is supposed to be a place of growth, learning, and spiritual formation. How could it be dangerous? The warning is against becoming overfed on theological knowledge while becoming undernourished in our heart-level affection for God.

That danger is real and perhaps familiar. Yet others are more subtle:

• Spiritual isolation
• Neglect of the local church
• Academic rivalry
• The temptation to pretend we have everything together when we are struggling

Left unchecked, these dangers can make seminary a lonely and perilous place.

So how do we guard against them? One of the most important ways is to prioritize healthy, authentic friendships during seminary. Friendship is God’s idea and God’s gift—his means of grace to help us persevere and avoid making shipwreck of our faith (1 Tim 1:19). Good friends can help preserve us from unseen spiritual threats and strengthen us to remain spiritually alive.

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Proverbs speaks often about the value of wise companions. In Proverbs 13:20, we read, “Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.” These words remind us to choose our friends carefully, because they shape us profoundly—for good or for ill. Wise friends lead us toward spiritual life. Foolish friends can lead us toward spiritual harm.

Especially in the formative years of seminary, then, we should strive to be good friends and to pursue good friends, so that we might sharpen one another to the glory of God.

What good seminary friends provide

Below are four key components of friendship drawn from snapshots of friendship in Scripture. Together, they illustrate the kind of friend we should seek to be—and the kind of friends we should seek to have: The kind of friends who will help us navigate the exciting yet sometimes dangerous crosscurrents of seminary life.

1. Friends support one another

In Exodus 17:8–16, we read a vivid account of Moses interceding on a hill while Joshua was fighting against the Amalekites in a valley. This scene is often highlighted as a model of intercessory prayer, but it also provides a striking picture of friendship. Moses prays for Joshua while he is in the thick of battle—friends intercede for one another. When Moses’s arms grow weary, Aaron and Hur place a stone under him and physically hold up his hands so he can continue.

Friends step in when they see a companion struggling. Throughout seminary, there will be seasons when you need this kind of support, and seasons when you will give it. Good friends support one another.

2. Friends strengthen one another

In 1 Samuel 18–23, we see one of Scripture’s richest portraits of friendship: David and Jonathan. In chapter 23, David is weary, afraid, and hiding in the wilderness while Saul is hunting him down. Into that moment of vulnerability, verse 16 tells us “Saul’s son Jonathan went to David at Horesh and helped him find strength in God.” Jonathan does not wait for David to seek him out: He intentionally moves toward his friend. He encourages him, speaks truth, reminds him of God’s promises, and points him back to the true source of strength: God himself.

This portrait of friendship reminds us that good friends do not merely offer support. They direct us toward God and the strength found in him. Seminary will inevitably bring moments of weariness, discouragement, or spiritual dryness. Good friends help us find fresh strength in God when we need it most, lifting our eyes beyond our circumstances to the One in whom all true strength resides. Good friends strengthen one another.

3. Friends sharpen one another

Proverbs 27:17 tells us, “Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.” The bright edge of our affection for God can grow dull if we approach theology in a purely academic manner. We need friends who will sharpen us spiritually, who will help keep our hearts warm, our minds alert, and our devotion vibrant.

I formed some of my most important theological convictions through hours of discussion, debate, and study with friends who pushed me back to Scripture and encouraged clarity, humility, and consistency in my thinking. Good friends sharpen one another.

4. Friends sacrificially serve one another

Jesus displayed the ultimate act of friendship through his sacrificial death for his people on the cross. In John 15:13, he declares, “Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.” He then applies this astonishing truth to his disciples by saying, “You are my friends” (John 15:14) and again, “I have called you friends” (John 15:15). Jesus speaks of his self‑giving sacrifice as a deep expression of his love for his friends.

True friends will gladly inconvenience themselves, bear one another’s burdens, and seek each other’s greatest spiritual good—even when it comes at personal cost.

This means that the heart of Christian friendship is not just shared affection or shared experience, but Christlike, costly love. As those called to “walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us” (Eph 5:2), Christians are to extend that same sacrificial posture toward one another. True friends will gladly inconvenience themselves, bear one another’s burdens, and seek each other’s greatest spiritual good—even when it comes at some personal cost. Good friends serve one another.

How to pursue friendships in seminary

This can be intimidating, especially for those leaving home for the first time, so it is important to take seriously these points:

1. Intentionally create opportunities for friendships

Recognizing their importance, we should first make time to share our seminary journey with others. This will look different depending on your stage of life, but creating space for coffee breaks, meals, study sessions, or simple moments of rest and relaxation can go a long way toward initiating relationships that may deepen over time. These small, regular rhythms of shared life are the soil in which lasting friendships can grow.

2. Pursue spiritual depth with those with whom you naturally connect

This often means being the one to move the conversation beyond surface‑level topics. Share what God is teaching you through your classes, speak honestly about your struggles and encouragements, and create space to pray together. Over time, these kinds of conversations cultivate trust and foster genuine spiritual friendship.

3. Adopt an attitude of giving and receiving in your friendships

Healthy friendships are mutual. There will be seasons when you need the support and strengthening ministry of a few trusted friends, and other seasons when you will be the one offering support and sharpening to those who need it. In both roles, we learn humility, gratitude, and the joy of walking with others as we all seek to mature in Christ.

Conclusion

The friendships we make at seminary can become gifts that keep giving. Over a decade has passed since my own time at seminary, and I still have regular online calls with those few good friends. Though the years of study were temporary, the bonds forged through shared joys, trials, and prayers have endured far beyond the classroom.

These good friends were—and continue to be—a means of God’s grace. They have shaped my character, strengthened my faith, and helped me to navigate the challenges and pressures that come with pastoral ministry. Even though we are scattered across the world today, our fellowship remains strong as we continue to encourage, challenge, and pray for one another in our respective callings.

Seminary offers many gifts, but few are as enduring, steadying, or life‑giving as the gift of a few wise, godly friends. May those entering or journeying through seminary recognize this gift, pursue it intentionally, and give thanks to God for the friendships that will sustain and enrich them for years to come.

Share your thoughts

What’s the benefit of friendship during seminary? Join us in the Word by Word group to share your thoughts.

Resources for further reflection

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