How (and How Not) to Implement Family Devotions

When Family Devotionals Fall Short

I have an admission to make. In my life I’ve been a parent, a pastor, and a children’s book author, and yet I wouldn’t give myself high marks when it comes to family devotions with my five children. They’re all grown now, and most of them are out (or soon to be out) of the home. But when they were younger, we were inconsistent with family devotions. Devotions were too long or too short. I asked questions that were too easy or too tough. The discussion, when it occurred, was often flat or interrupted by noise, cries, off-topic questions, bathroom breaks, or the need to discipline a stubborn or disobedient offspring from my brood.

Maybe you feel the same way? But maybe there’s still time for you to benefit from the lessons I’ve learned—what I think I did well and what I know I did wrong. Let’s start with how not to implement family devotions.

How Not to Implement Devotions

First, don’t make devotions more of a duty than a delight. Your attitude and tone as you approach God’s word will affect your children. Avoid approaching the time with harshness or a spirit of judgment if they are less than enthusiastic about sitting still and listening.

Second, don’t bite off more than you can chew. I’ll say more about this in a positive way in the how-to section. For now, just know that covering more material does not make you or your family more spiritual or more mature.

Third, if you’re using a prepared devotional resource, don’t force your family to reach the end if you sense the crew is not with you. We all have bad days, and if you know that today is one of them, just read a short Bible text, pray a short prayer, and maybe play a family game.

Fourth, if you’re in a bad mood, you might be better off skipping until you have worked through your emotions. You don’t want your kids to have a memory of family devotions to be overshadowed by Dad and Mom’s anger or criticism. They will remember how they felt longer than what you taught.

Fifth, don’t lecture. Listening is hard for little ones.

Sixth, don’t worry too much about being novel. Reading Scripture with minimal (or no) commentary can be a wonderful way for your family to practice together that most important of Christian postures—listening (“Now therefore, if you will indeed obey [or listen to] my voice . . . .” [Ex. 19:5]; “Hear, O Israel . . . .” [Deut. 6:4]; “See that you do not refuse him who is speaking . . . .” [Heb. 12:25b]). The prayers and reflections of other Christians—both historic and contemporary—are also there to help. In fact, leading your family in listening to the words of Scripture and the words of other believers—rather than always sharing a word of your own—models dependence on God to provide, love for the community of faith, and humility to learn alongside others.

How to Implement Devotions

First, be realistic. Don’t commit to family devotions seven days a week when you know that your schedule and the children’s schedule won’t realistically allow for it. Start with one day a week; maybe Sunday nights can be your time for family devotions. Or shoot for three days a week, and don’t fuss over what day of the week you do it! If soccer is on Monday and Wednesday nights and ballet is on Thursday, aim for Sunday, Tuesday, and Friday. Flexibility (or freedom!) is the name of the game. To paraphrase something Jesus once said, family devotions were made for man, not man for family devotions (Mark 2:27)! Feel free to do devotions once a week or every night of the week. Feel free to go fast or slow. Feel free to read more (a whole book, like 2 Peter) or less (a key verse). Don’t despise the brevity of your time together. Remember that God’s word never returns void (Isa. 55:11), God delights in small things (Matt. 13:31; 19:14; Luke 2:1–4), and that he often makes much of what looks small and weak to us (2 Cor. 12:9).

Second, aim for short and sweet. Leave them wanting more, not less. And by sweet, think “taste and see that the Lord is good!” (Ps. 34:8). Strive for a sense of joy, curiosity, and grace.

Third, share the mic. Kids ask great questions and make great observations! Let them speak, and let them know you love to hear from them.

Share why you love God and his word.

Fourth, if you use a devotional guide, feel free to adjust the readings, to read only the best questions, or to make up your own questions that suit your family more particularly. If you create your own questions, be attentive to the ages, dispositions, interests, and experiences represented in your home. For example, you might start with an easy yes/no question to involve your Kindergartener or a simple question of observation for all (“Was Zacchaeus short or tall?”). Then, you can move onto something more profound that might open the family to a good discussion (“What did Zacchaeus do because he was short? What does that tell us about him?”). Good questions matter, as do the breadth of questions. Questions that teach your children how to read the Bible matter too! So, ask about the content of the text (observations), the big ideas and message (interpretation), and about practical ways to live out what you are learning (application).

Fifth, cultivate curiosity and awe in your children by modeling it as you come to God’s word. Open-ended questions like, “What surprised you in the story?” are great because there is no right or wrong answer. Moreover, if your children are artistic, they might enjoy drawing or coloring based on the lesson and sharing with the family.

Sixth, sing! Let the children take turns picking a Christian song they like. You can grab a hymnal to have around the house, if you don’t already have one, or call to mind a song you sang in church on Sunday—this is where a good ole’ fashioned church bulletin can really come in handy! Also, moving your body can be helpful. Raise your hands (1 Tim. 2:8) when you praise God’s holy name. Kneel (Dan. 6:10) or lie face-on-the-ground (Luke 5:8) when you confess your sins. Using different postures to pray can engage your bodies and minds in new ways! “Stand up and bless the Lord your God from everlasting to everlasting” (Neh. 9:5). Even sing and dance and play the tambourine (“Then Moses and the people of Israel sang this song to the Lord” and “Miriam the prophetess, the sister of Aaron, took a tambourine in her hand, and all the women went out after her with tambourines and dancing,” Exod. 15:1, 20).

Seventh, be personal. Share why you love God and his word. Confess your sins and acknowledge your shortcomings. Ask for forgiveness.

Eighth, play the long game. On any given night, family devotions might be really short and simple, but remember that each of these moments is just part—and not the whole—of how Jesus, by his Spirit, is feeding and leading your family. Over time, short moments together in Scripture and prayer really start to add up. Don’t expect overnight changes in affection, disposition, interest, or participation, but don’t discount the long-term impact of small acts of faithfulness.

Ninth, be repetitive. If you use the same prayers and read the same portions of Scripture regularly, pretty soon you’ll find that your family has those words in their hearts and in their mouths without much effort at all. Soon your kids will be saying the closing prayer or benediction with you without any notes. Before long, a chapter like Psalm 1 or Psalm 23 will be memorized. Repetition is a gift.

Tenth, pray. Pray for wisdom. Pray for your children. Pray that your time in the word and prayer will be fruitful and that God will bear the fruit of his Spirit in your family. Pray that family devotions last for years and become part of your family’s fondest memories.

Douglas Sean O’Donnell is the author of The Biggest Story Family Devotional, edited by Kevin DeYoung.

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