7 Heart Postures to Cultivate in Your Discipling Relationships

How We Disciple Matters

Discipling isn’t just about what we do, but also how we do it. If we aren’t careful, we can become overly programmatic in our approach to discipling, and our relationships can become robotic. What follows are seven heart postures I’d urge you to cultivate in your discipling relationships.

1. Disciple Prayerfully

Prayer is so easily neglected! Discipling requires divine intervention. Helping others become like Jesus is a hopeless endeavor unless God empowers our labors (Ps. 127:1). Follow Paul’s example who told Timothy, “I thank God whom I serve . . . as I remember you constantly in my prayers night and day” (2 Tim. 1:3). Ask God to give you wisdom as you disciple others. Pray before you spend time with them, while you’re with them, and afterward.

2. Disciple Intentionally

Discipling won’t just happen. It requires you to pray, plan, and pursue others with intentionality. Even Jesus’s ministry demonstrates focused, intentional investment. He called his followers to become “fishers of men” (Matt. 4:19). Everything he taught and did had this mission in mind. He was preparing them to take the baton of gospel ministry to the nations after his ascension (Matt. 28:18–20). As you invest in others, ensure that you read, study, pray, encourage, and correct with knowing Jesus and making him known as the main aim. Also, be intentional with passing out opportunities to lead. Allow others to lead your meeting by deciding what to discuss, preparing the lesson, or picking what questions, topics, or passages to work through. In this sense, allow your times together to be a two-way street.

3. Disciple Dependently

Discipling requires us to embrace a mysterious paradox: we serve in God’s strength (1 Cor. 15:10; Phil. 2:12–13; 4:13; 1 Pet. 4:11). We labor for Jesus by depending on the one who tells us, “Apart from me you can do nothing” (John 15:5). But how do we serve in God’s strength? If you’re in a rowboat, any hope of progress comes from your efforts. But that’s not the case with sailing. For a sailboat to move, you must raise the sail. Doing this requires faith-filled effort. You pull the halyard, believing that as you raise the sail, it will harness the power of the wind and push you along. In the same way, we raise the divine-strength-harnessing-sail through prayer together, by obeying commands and confessing sins together, by enduring suffering together, and by countless other acts of faith. As we do, the strength of God’s Spirit empowers our efforts and bears fruit. Dependence on God gives him the glory he deserves and us the strength we need.

4. Disciple Creatively

Jesus’s discipling was dynamic. Every circumstance provided a creative possibility for applying God’s truth. He gave lessons on a hillside (Matthew 5–7), in a vineyard (John 15), and at funerals (John 11). He taught his disciples in the synagogue (Mark 6:1–6), while fishing (Luke 5:1–11), and over meals (Luke 7:36–50). Jesus pointed out positive and negative examples from the people they encountered (Matthew 23; Mark 12:41–44). Discipling isn’t limited to reading the Bible for an hour over coffee once a week. Take walks in nature, visit nursing homes, go shopping, or host a barbecue for unbelieving neighbors. The possibilities for connecting Scripture to the world around you are unlimited and will keep your discipling applications fresh.

Dependence on God gives him the glory he deserves and us the strength we need.

5. Disciple Urgently

We’re not promised tomorrow, so we should help people follow Jesus with urgency. The harvest is plentiful (Matt. 9:37–38), Satan is prowling (1 Pet. 5:8), and Christ may return at any moment (Matt. 24:36–51). Therefore, we must “number our days” and “redeem the time” (Ps. 90:12; Eph. 5:14–17). Remind those you’re discipling that we should never delay obedience to God (James 4:17).

6. Disciple Patiently

Disciple urgently, but harness your urgency with patience. People change slowly. God often uses a crockpot, not a microwave. As you invest in others, remember that “love is patient” (1 Cor. 13:4). Jesus often used the illustration of farming to describe how spiritual growth happens in his kingdom (Mark 4:26–29). Growing mature Christians, like growing crops, takes time. So don’t give up on people if they slowly progress from one degree of glory to another (2 Cor. 3:18). Renewing the mind is a life-long process (Rom. 12:1–2). And when you’re tempted toward impatience, remember how patient God has been with you.

7. Disciple Hopefully

Discipling can be discouraging. We may feel like we aren’t making a difference and the people we’re investing in aren’t making progress. Criticism can blindside us. Apathy can overtake us. But we must allow God’s promise to inspire us, “He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ” (Phil. 1:6). Remember: the power that raised Jesus from the dead is at work in them—and in you (Eph. 1:19–21). No sin is too strong, no depression is too deep, no addiction is too oppressive, and no trauma is too terrible that God cannot deliver (Isa. 59:1). Do not lose hope. God is always working in our lives and the lives of others—even when it’s tough to spot.

This article is adapted from How Do I Disciple Others? by J. Garrett Kell.

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